Senior c/o 2013
We all grew up in different family structures; either broken, glued back together, or just distant. Family is a touchy subject depending what structure u grew up with. Coming into the world my family was broken but still strongly held together. I went back and forth to see my mom and my dad. I wondered why was I the only one who had two moms and two dads. Being Philipino and having 4 families times 2nd and 3rd cousins….damn that’s a lot of memorizing names. But I went with the casual aunty, uncle, papa, and mama. Having to discover why I was in this situation was tough. But it helped my understand why things were. To some of my family they think it’d be cool to be in this situation. Twice the numbers of presents on holidays and twice the number of money is given. Although it seems so wonderful….I hate holidays. Because choosing what family to spend it with is hard. Every year I cry in the bathroom because I I’m in the phone with the other family and they are telling me they miss me and I’m here with the other family spending it with them. Then the guilt and sadness hits. Then school time comes. and you have to bring your books here and there. Eventually things are lost. I couldn’t drive so I’d have to ask my dad to drop off school work at my aunts house and ask my brother to pick it up or vise versa. My brother would get so mad and my dad gets just a little irritated. And honestly there is so much more. I honestly thankful for one specific cousin. She could see behind the mask and wasn’t afraid to tell me to cut out the bullshit that i always told everyone. She tell me to talk to her for real. And so when i did. I cried. The kind where u can’t understand a thing but you can feel every emotion. She took care of me. And was there when I needed to tell my deepest secrets too. And i thank her brother for taking care of me and spoiling the hell out me.
Today. We all have our lives to live. And when I say WE I mean aunties,uncles, cousins , grandmas and grandpas. My family today is distant. My grandma I barely knew passed away. And when I went to her viewing, I saw familiar faces that I haven’t seen 7,8,9 years. Some I haven’t even met yet. I was so hesitant to say hello cause I thought they forgot about me but when I did say hello…we look at each other and laugh because we thought the same thing. That we wouldn’t remember each other. For some, I had to reintroduce myself. For some, I had to jog their memory a bit. The best memories I had was when I said hi to my grandma Locring. (Probably miss spelled =(..) She smiled, laughed, and give me a huge bear hug. She was jumping up and down while holding me. And we meet eyes again she tells me she loves me so much. And I tell her I love her and I missed her so much. I remember id go to her house and lay down on her bed because she had the classic water bed. And I’d visit her And my other grandma And grandpa every weekend. Another moment it when I say my aunty Gina And we both said “do you still remember me?” At the same time. We laughed a caught up with one another.
Although it was a time for mourning, I cannot say that I had the happiest time in the world seeing all the familiar faces again.
As I reflect on what happened today, I remember how defensive I get with family because I don’t see mine everyday, weekend, or holiday. And it true I get crazy jealous when I see families with Annual family gatherings or even just a simple party. After today, I hope I can reconnect with the family I lost time with. All in all I think that’s all I ever wanted. Putting aside family disputes and be and whatever the adults don’t tell the kids. I have missed my family so dearly I didn’t even know it until today.
THE BEST CUPS COVER YOU WILL EVER SEE, OH MY GOD I LOVED IT
OH MY GOSH CHILLS.
the numbers make sense
but they are simply guidelines
yours to control